Examples

Content type

First-time use

Free trial marketing message

Good

Here’s to 30 days of awesome!

This could have been a regular “Your trial starts today” message, but instead we’re taking time to recognize the start of something fun. The time element puts a champion spin on our what we say we’ll deliver.

Not so good

Your trial starts…now!

And we’re off to the races! We’re in it to win it and we’ll show you how!

This is too much. Remember, we’re not super flashy or odd. We want just enough delight sprinkled in to make someone smile.
Take invoicing for a spin

Good

Take our invoicing for a spin

Use metaphor to make complex ideas engaging and encourage them to take action.

Not so good

Send an invoice and see what happens

It’s like that mystery box you’ve always wanted. But instead of a box, it’s an invoice.

A simile can help break down complex ideas, but in this case it does the opposite.
Defining chart of accounts

Good

Here’s the list of categories you’ll use to organize transactions. We call this your chart of accounts.

This introduces an accounting term by explaining it in an accessible way, and then giving it an official name.

Not so good

Your Chart of Accounts is a list of all the accounts you use to record transactions in your general ledger.

Starting with the accounting term intimidates people right away. Using jargon to define it makes them feel confused and adrift.